It was a cold dreary day in the lovely seaside town of Cleveleys so I decided I wanted something more substantial than tights to cover my legs. I like this outfit purely for its simplicity.
You know when you have those days where everything just seems to get on top of you? Well today was one of those days for me and it was triggered by a dream I had. Since I’m in my last year of college, it is university focus time. I applied to Edinburgh, Kent, Roehampton, Birmingham and Swansea; I received all offers except one, Edinburgh. I recently found out that they are sending out the rest of their answers/replies by the end of this month. Now, since Edinburgh was my first choice and I applied way before Christmas it is safe to say that 3-4 months of worrying about it has finally drained me. I dreamt about being called in for an interview and the interviewer disagreed with everything I said, this caused a domino effect as I started worrying about everything.
For an aspiring writer of any kind, I realised I hadn’t written anything in months, the only things I have written are essays for my courses at college, word of mouth dictates that if you were really passionate about writing then you’d write something at least once a day. Which made me worry, had I been really too busy or just lazy? My exams start in June and I haven’t started solid revision yet even though I tell myself I need to set days aside, even with my teachers constantly saying ‘you need to start revising’ I don’t feel the urgency and it worries me. There is a lot to my exams this year and since I want to take Literature at university, the pressure to get good grades to get into my uni choices as well as almost proving to myself that Literature is my calling (because recently I had been getting better grades in Photography than in Literature so my parents are slightly convinced I took the wrong course) has been playing on my mind. I haven’t read anything in ages, the last book I read was at least a couple of weeks ago and before that months; which again made me wonder whether I actually don’t have time to read or whether I’m not the book-nerd I used to be.
As much as I want to believe my teachers and my boyfriend when they say I am capable, I never feel like I am, I’m not reassured and if anything I feel even less competent to even get an inch closer to my dreams. Insecurity and feeling unworthy is common and you shouldn’t sink into the abyss. That’s why even if it’s something silly, I always tell someone, no matter who it is. I’m lucky that I have close people I can rely on even if it doesn’t help, it still feels better to know that someone is listening. If you’re not so lucky to have people you can rely on. You can rely on me. Even if you feel stupid for DM’ing me on twitter (@sammicham) or inboxing me on facebook or emailing me (firstname.lastname@example.org); I’ll be there for you, as a shoulder to cry on, a person to lean on (both figuratively) and a person that is willing to give my most honest opinion and advice. Because if you are reading this then you are just as much there for me and I appreciate that and would love to return the favour if you ever need someone.
Enough with the emotional talk!
Must be the rainy weather 😉